right.

After doctors tomorrow I'm gonna get right back on track. I dont care how ill I feel I am NOT letting myself get fat. No sir. Nuh uh.

5 day fast?

Go for it.

stuck

Day 7: Do your parents know you’re trying to lose weight? Do they care?

Um my mum knows and shes like...okay about it but she doesnt really know the extents of it and the obsession. Its becoming a huge part of my life and Im loving it. I have control. Shes happy for me but I know shes jealous because shes not motivated enough to do it too. My dad knows im on a diet, or that i was at christmas. but he doesnt know the extents either.

YAY my jillian michaels dvd came today. Im having the urge to go on a midnight exercise sesh. am gonna do it. and then i'll do it again in the day tomorrow. tonight is just a tester. im totally up for doing it everyday for 30 days and potentially losing 10lbs. hell yes!

and i love jillian so much shes such an inspiration.

been eating not much, but badly these last few days.

shit gotta get back on track tomorrow.

no more boozy nights.

BAD me.

gaaah.

:)

Day 6: Do you binge? If so, explain why you think you do.

Actually I'm Quite good at not binging...except for sometimes. and when I do its coz I can smell a nice...burger..a big cheesey burger with bbq sauce and salt and mmmmmmmmmmmmm.

but nothing really tempts me apart from burgers.

and tbh i didnt even like burgers that much BEFORE i started to watch what i eat.

so why am i like obsessed with them now?

:/

its okay though because today I have eaten a salad and a raw carrot. lmao. and exercised. gonna go skip for a bit now bye

ga\aa

Day 5: Why do you really want to lose this weight? Are you doing it for you?

I am huge and hate looking at myself in the mirror and thinking 'you might as well just die you fucking fat piece of shit. no ones gonna want you. no one even wants to look at you. all they see is fat. all i see is fat. its always there hanging about. i sit down. boom rolls. i feel my fat squash into the chair. i feel it wobble when i run. I DONT WANT IT.

i want to look good

and pretty and beautiful

and skinny

urrrgh

YAY IM 18. haha.

had a great birthday.

drank a stupid amount.

ate some cake.

feeling really fat.

diet starts again tomorrow.

full force.

:)

Day 4: Your greatest fears about weight loss.

Um. Reallyu its just that I'm losing weight and its fine but then I get all these massive cravings for cake and stuff and im scared that one day I'll give in and eat everything and will become huge again and will have done this to myself for nothing. and will just have to sart over again and drive myself crazy.

I hate food. I hate it hate it hate it but people are starting to notice. It was okay when I was losing just a little bit. now its 2 and a half stone in 2 months.

People are telling me to stop. to eat.

but i dont want to

not now.

not now ive seen how easy i can do it.

just stay away from food.

its evil

i bought a size 14 dress yesterday. i thought it would fit because im big.

but it didnt.

its too big.

way too big.

im getting mum to fix it for me

it was the only one left

and i wanted it so badly

Gah

Okay so...Oops about not updating. Crazy stuffs been going on.

I hadn't checked my weight for 5 days!!! and I ended up magically losing 6lbs..even though I broke my diet with a biiiiiig thing of salty popcorn AND a cheese burger from mcdonalds. I was shocked. I thought the scales would tell me I'd gained a stone. not lost. Thank ful though.

I think its doing stuff to me though. Im exhausted all the time. and my mouth gets really dry. and im always freezing and achey. Maybe its something unrelated though.

so..I got a new boyfriend. Only problem is...I cant stop thinking about my ex. Its driving me crazy. This new guy is so amazingly nice. and yet im ruining it all constantly thinking about the old guy. I dont know what to do.

Pump up the jam

3. Day: A picture of your thinspiration. What do you like about this person?

I have no idea who this is. But I love her. I want to look like this. The whole oversized jumper shorts thing. Cute - as. Cant do it atm because my legs are so fat that shorts just ride up in the middle and look gross and chafe.

Ace.

One day though.